Coffee in the Morning and Wine at night

This is how I start and end my day. These things have very significant meaning to me.

Coffee, the addictive caffeine sucks you in like a vacuum trying to catch a dust bunny underneath the bed; it takes a second to catch it but once it does you're hooked! Wine is the "wine" down, the closing of each chapter of my day. The red symbolizes peace and relaxation. The white (only consumed on occasion) plays a sort of "last call" role.

However between the coffee and wine is a whole day of life. A whole day of breathing and living. The coffee is the ON button and the wine is the OFF. You may have something else, for example your on button might be a hot shower with your favorite lavender body wash and your off might be a berry smoothie and a good book. Either way we all have them. The important thing is really not which button we have for ON and OFF it is what we do between that "shift" that is meaningful and important.

Look back at your yesterday. What things happened to you that were good and bad that you can reflect on by either cherishing or learning from? For me there were a few. Do we honestly stop and soak in the shift as we sip our OFF button of red wine? I don't always. Last night I did. Although, my off button was a tall glass of water, I thought of the smile and new CD I received from a friend in class, the wonderful feeling of knowing I was going to see family in a matter of hours, the way it felt to get 100% on my CPR-Health Care Provider test, the way my heart jumped when I saw Raul surprising us by the water and was greeted by a hug...I could go on and on. I also learned that my actions to reactions need to be more controlled. I didn't figure out how to tackle and fix it but I did identify it. With all these reflections came positivity.

The Coffees in the morning and the wines at night often pass in a blink of an eye. Take time each day as you are turning in from your shift of life and find some moments of your day that you are thankful for or that touched you in some way. Humanity and its energy is a phenomenal thing and the way another human can make you feel is unbelievable. You could have the worst shift in the world but there is always something positive that apply to each of our days. Today I challenge you to do that.

Best!

This is 4:00 am can do to you

I woke up this morning at 4. Tossing, turning, and planning my day, my week, my life. All this planning! It consumes us. I have lists of lists hidden all over the house, some are completed and some are not. Life has been a series of lists for me; a check of list of accomplishments or objectives: School…check, workout…check, eat….check, check. Degree….check, job….check, love life….check. Anyway, you get the point.

So you think, “So what Audra, we all have lists, and goals, and stuff we want to do.” Well for me, if something on that list doesn’t get completed in the time that I WANT it to, I am completely devastated and in a panic…almost to the point where I feel lost. I feel as though my world is crashing down and I have to start from scratch. Literally start from the beginning. Why is that you say? Well a few things that have been said to me from boyfriend, mom, and friends in the last six months have made really think about the way that I am about my planning and lists:

“Be Patient Audra!”
“That is your problem; you are not patient about anything.”
“Don’t force it!”

These things may be true, however if I look back, I have tried. I’m not a bad person for wanting things in my life and making plans. It works for me. It helps me day to day, week to week, and month to month. I literally had to re-invent myself this past year. And I want to continue to move forward but how can I not let my impatience get the best of me. Why do I have to be the one to change or wait for society to decide? Why can’t it be on my terms? Maybe that just isn’t how the world works.

I look at my bank account and my day to day lifestyle and I am completely devastated and when I get home I am drained from driving, working, scheduling, training, studying and then I make dinner. Everyday is a long day….for what? So hell ya, I am impatient! I put in my time; I did the things I was supposed to do. I didn’t party and screw off in college. I got through my checklist. I’m ready to start that career I am so passionate about.

While we are on the subject of me venting, I’m not trying to force anything but I watched a sweet innocent girl burry her boyfriend who she wanted to plan the rest of her life with. It haunts me every day. I see her face in my thoughts as a final prayer was said and I watched her go through her “never going to happen life in an instant.” I don’t want my boyfriend to die. There I said it! I don’t want to go through life and not experience the things that I want and are so dear to my heart. So hell ya, I am impatient! I’m so sorry Kirsten, I think of you all the time. I think of what could have been for you and then I portray it to my own life and it scares me. Scares me. So please forgive me for wanting to “force something.” There is a place inside of me that can not help it.

Usually I post events of visits or tags. I never really get down to the personal things. Mostly because I keep things in. I feel that I can deal with them, I just put them on the check list. Deal with issue…check. Seriously, I was told by someone that I never let anyone in. Yeah, that may be true so here you go. I’m letting you in on some feelings. Welcome. So there is a method to my madness. There is a reason why I act the way I do and want the things I want. Hopefully this post doesn’t come back to bite me in the ass.

So this is what 4 am does to you. Life is just life. It really isn’t a checklist. But in my world I have a method and it works for me. It keeps me stable….just a little impatient. Would it be double standard if I asked the world to be patient with my impatientness?

Erin's trip finally posted

It has taken about a month and a half for Erin to send me pictures from her trip to Seattle which was in the middle of July.
Just some highlights:

Adventuring to Molly Moons: Erin, A, Raul, & Will


After a fun workout at the Dempsy we jammed over to Husky Stadium to snag a quick photo.

Ivars for HH: Me, Pat Lacari, Reedus, Will, Raul, Erin


Trip to Pike Place

I love this picture.

I had salty caramel...yum....notice to smoochers in the background.

Anyway, It was a fun trip. We did lots of stuff, wine tasting, goodwill shopping, pike place venturing, Ivars, BBQ at the house. Love you Tink.

I'm never eating again!

I'm planning on bettering my time in the PF Chang's R&R Marathon but in order to do that I guess you need to run. Lately my workout regiment has been....hmmmm every fourth day, jog. Basically I'm saying: "Audra cut the crap, and get a hold of yourself, put your shoes on, double your sports bra, and get your ass out there!" Ok, ok, ok....that is what I did yesterday but ten minutes prior I had a nice turkey salad sandwich full of carbs and oil. Literally 11 min into my run, the food that had turned into, bolus, then chyme sat at the fundus section of my stomach and inched its way back up to my throat. I have never felt so uncomfortable running...well at the moment it felt like hell. After twenty minutes of pain, agony and "kill me now" thoughts, I layed down on the living room floor where I was malled by Sugar and moaned, "I'm never eating again!"

Just to show how full of crap I am, I had clams and fries and a soda (which is soooo rare for me)...I'm such a fat kid.

Hopefully today is better for my run. I hope to do thirty min. and this time I will try to stay away from eating ten minutes prior. Isn't working out fun?!

Moving on

Thank you to all of the great posts and prayers for our Great loss.

Now after the tears and the reuniting of old friends and family will reality set in. Today we pick ourselves up and move on, just like Jed would want. But in the midst of all this chaos of work, bills, traffic, groceries, laundry, and many other responsibilities, we can't forget how important it is to keep the ones we love close. This experience has reminded me of how important friends and family are in my life and if I can take anything from this travesty, I will cherish the people that have touched my life, the friends who have guided me through and the family that has showed unconditional love.

Today we move on. Today we pick up the pieces and continue to step forward, even if we have to do it one day at a time. Today we embrace our lives for what they really are: A glorious opportunity to breath, laugh, love, cry, yell, run, eat, pray, and experience this very short life we are blessed with. Thank you so much for your support and love.

Raul and Kirsten, this post is for you

For those who do not know, Raul’s best friend Jed along with his dad and brother were killed in a plane accident this weekend on their way to a father and son’s fishing trip. They crashed into a side of a mountain and they were discovered and recovered a few days ago. We heard of the news Monday night. Raul had called Kirsten because he had heard Jed’s plane was missing and only after a few hours of a slight glimpse of hope that there were survivors was crushed with the confirmation of the unexpected loss. Jed has had his pilot’s license for over ten years with millions of flight hours logged so it was not as if he was reckless or inexperienced which leaves the question of “how could this have happened? What went wrong?” I had posted about Jed and his girlfriend Kirsten three months ago when they came to visit and we went to the Mariner’s game and Motocross where Jed was the truck driver for one of the motorcycle company/sponsors.

In June Jed came out to Seattle to meet up with Kirsten over in Wenatchee. He came a day earlier and Jed and I pretty much spent the entire day together and I just wanted to share some of the things that were said and what had happened while the memory is ever so fresh in my mind.

That day:
When I got home from work at 10:00, Jed was just on his way back from a run with Wilson and Sugar. I had about a million things planned that day and because Raul could not be around, Jed tagged along. Jed and I went over and he bought me lunch and we sat and chatted about Kirsten and Raul and how proud we were of them. Jed had told me, Kir is perfect for me. She is the kind of girl that I need. She is so independent and I never have to worry about her. He also elaborated on how well Raul was doing in his career. I remember him saying, “He did it;” you could hear the proud tone in his voice.” Jed along with Raul are quiet and humble people and they don’t express their feelings or open up very often so it was a really special moment for me to be apart of Jed’s proud moment.

As our day continued, we went to get my hair cut and Jed sat there patiently scamming a People magazine while I chatted away with the lady and frequently including Jed in our random conversations.

Then it was off to workout. We road our bikes down to the track to do a workout before I had to take him to the train station. We ran some repeat 200’s and I was pretty impressed that he kept up. Jed is a pretty tough guy and has no problem with enduring a little pain. On our way back we were going up a little hill and Jed switched gears on Raul’s bike and for some reason part of the chain broke. This lead to me pulling Jed all the way home on my bike while he held on to my backpack and coasted. When we pulled into the drive way, I told him, “I bet you never do that kind of workout with any of your other best friend’s girlfriends.” As we drove to the train station we chatted about Kirsten and how amazing of a person she is and he expressed how wonderful a writer and photographer she is. Never have I seen Jed talk like that. You could tell that he found his true love and was finally at peace with it.

With a quick hug, genuine thank you and goodbyes Jed headed toward the station in downtown Seattle on his way to see his girl. If knowing that would have been the last time I saw Jed, I would have told him how much of he meant to us, meant to Raul. I would have told him how much Raul loves him and cherish his friendship and thinks of him as a brother who always has the answers and if not gives the advice of “You’ll figure it out….it build’s character.” What will we do without you Jed? I can’t wrap my head around this. I can’t imagine what his mom is going through, Jordan’s wife and children, or Kirsten. I’m so very sorry. Raul, I’m so sorry that you have lost the person who was the constant in your life.

This is my last memory of Jed and I wanted to share it with you, it’s not anything extravagant or exciting but it was a perfect memory. I don’t understand why these things happen. Jed was one of the good ones. He loved his family, his friends and Kirsten. He was the guy who would take the shirt off of his own back for you. We love you Jed and will forever keep the wonderful memories that you have given us in this life. Thank you for being Raul’s number one. I am so grateful and honored to know you. I pray for Kirsten and the Mingo family in hopes that in some tiny way, it will help coping with this awful tragedy that has now taken our world by surprise.

Just for Fun

This will help me wake up this morning, Kirsten you’re a blessing sent from above!

What is your current obsession? Extra Virgin Olive Oil and The Food Network. I have about an hour out of my day to spare and I spend it on the couch trying to learn the tricks of the trade when it comes to cooking and almost everything involves “EVOO” as Rachel Ray would say. In a round about way, cooking is now my obsession, I think about going to the grocery store and having a beautiful kitchen to master glorious meals. I will go to three different grocery stores just to get A, the best deals, and B, for variety. I’m definitely my dad’s daughter.
What do you hate the most that everybody else seems to love? I hate the AC being on at work at 6:00 am and the people who come into the club are just in heaven.
What are you wearing today? Summer skirt, knit top and a cute hair bandana…oh no that is what I would be wearing if I was in Greece, I am just wearing an ISU sweatshirt (in August) and the usual black yoga pants! BORING.
What's for dinner? Hopefully fresh cheese raviolis, arugala, tomatoes and fresh parmesan cheese and some red wine.
What would you eat for your last meal? Feta Cheese with a nice pita or French bread
What's the last thing you bought? This lovely coffee that has helped me through this tough morning.
What are you listening to right now? Ladies talking about the journalists who came back from Korea…thanks Bill C. Yesterday was discussion about taxing or charging for plastic bags at the grocery store. Washington is such a GREEN state.
What do you think of the person that tagged you? I met Kirsten a few months ago when her and her Reboyfriend (my boyfriend’s childhood best friend) came to visit for motocross madness. She was so sweet sitting there in my living room with Raul and Jed waiting for me to come home so we could go have dinner. I knew immediately we would be buds and I thanked the lord above that Jed finally found his lobster! She is pretty talented; she is a great writer, unique photographer and has a witty sense of humor. I can’t wait until we see each other again…miss you Kir.
If you could have a house, fully paid for, and totally furnished anywhere in the world, where would it be? Tuscany. I always wanted to pack up a portion of my life (try to fit in two bags max) and move to Tuscany, eat Italian food, drink wine, live in an old house and experience a new adventure. Just think of it, a little house at the top of a rolling hill, out looking a glorious view with the sun setting and lots of flowers. What a perfect place to start over…..totally inspired by under the Tuscan sun.
What is one of your hobbies? Exercising!!!! I am trying to only take one day off a week. I feel like a “fattyboombalaty” (Katie Eckardt). So even though I consider it a hobby, it might be more of an necessity. I am looking for another hobby. Who knows what it will be.
What are 3 things that annoy you most? 1. People that make that leugy sound from left over mucous that is sitting in their sinuses or throat…..sorry Raul 2. Toppers…people who always have to top you, “I have pants”…”Well my dad invented pants.” Throw the flag 3. People who repeat a certain word in lectures or presentations….i.e.: MMMKAAAY, or um, or like. I sometimes find myself doing it and when I notice it with other people I can only focus on how many times they say that certain word. One time I spent an entire class period counting a teacher that said, “Make sense.”
What is your favorite color? I really like red but I like the green and white combo. It is so zen. Red is my hot and sexy side and green is my simple, no makeup, and sports bra side.
What is your favorite piece of clothing in your wardrobe? My new purple ghosts, Brooks shoes. I love them. And my seven’s jeans.

What is your dream job? Working for the CDC in women’s health mostly breast cancer awareness but living in Seattle instead of HOTLANTA.
Describe your personal style. Sporty with a hint of flare. T’s with some worn designer jeans and flip flops with hair straight….what a hotty huh? That is where the red comes in handy, sometimes I splurge and show some cleavage.
What are you going to do after this? Get out my Nutrition book and finish my homework. Then, start my study guide for my Anatomy final.
What is your favorite "happy hour" at Sonic? Strawberry limeade. You can’t beat the ice full of strawberry parts at the bottom.
What inspires you? Talking to women who have survived cancer, Public Health officials, music, my grandma and Kelly Tiller.
Who was the last person you kissed? Raul. But I did have a weird dream where I had a different boyfriend and we were playing soccer and I might have kissed him. He was blonde (which is soooo not my type and either is soccer). Reminded me of Tony Comb (a little round guy from elementary school), not really sure who he was suppose to be and why I was playing soccer. Maybe my friend Erin can figure it out in her dream book which will probably say Sexually frustrated….that is what is said for every dream. Haven’t you heard that comedy bit?What are you currently reading? The Time Traveler’s Wife, I am desperately seeking a good love story right now.
What delighted you most today? My coffee. It was sweet to see little Wilson snuggled with his pillow.
By what criteria do you judge a person? I see if a person looks at me in the eye when I talk to them. I also am interested in people who have passion. It is great to get into a conversation with someone who shares the same passion as you, like track or health.

The rules: 1. Respond and rework; answer the questions on your blog, replace one question you dislike with a question of your invention, add one more question of your own.

I pick Margo, Kasey, Michele P., Kathay, Marcie and Emma to respond.