This morning was interesting.
As I was coffee deprived, I sat and tried to zone out the "Curves" conversation of cohabiting before you are married. Again, I was trying to zone out but when you get words like, not married...four years......and something about free milk, my eyes and ears started to follow the direction of conversation.
As they looked down on this couple who was cohabiting, and not wanting to marry I couldn't help but make it about me. I wanted to yell...Um...hi, I'm that person! I felt like they were telling my story. Yeah so I'm a little hungry for marriage. I'm a little hungry for lots of things and that topic is one of them. But it doesn't make it wrong or anything that should be frowned upon.
Oh but they continued....... about how it is just a "different era, and why would someone stay with a person, live with them, share their life if they have clearly stated they will never marry that person. In my day, you courted, married and then lived together." Yeah, well.....
My era things have changed!
We live in a world where women are successful, work their ass off, support their family and make time to cook, clean, taxi and socialize which gives new name to "House Wife."
We live in a world where two people (even of the same sex), live in a partnership, share life together and expenses. Even have children.
We live in a world where people spend the rest of their lives utterly alone due to early life decisions.
We live in a world where men and women stay in marriages for the children. When a part of them has been chipped away and when they look in the mirror, they don't recognize the reflection.
We live in a world where MARRIAGE is viewed as good and bad.
If you asked me: I would have to say...I'm 100% scared and 100% believer in marriage. How do you like them apples...eh!
So what if this couple that these ladies were talking about was still uncertain about their future? Wouldn't we say they were doing the responsible thing by "testing" the waters before they take the plunge? What if the guy in this relationship is apprehensive of marriage because he was hurt or had a bad experience? What if the girl doesn't feel he is the right one, but they still care about each other so they stay in the relationship, because it really is pretty good, they have a lot of fun together and it just works for the time being, even though there is no plan to marry.
I don't believe in Happily ever after...I do believe in Almost happily ever after which is pretty damn good. As humans we make mistakes, say things out of emotion, chemicals and hormones infest our bodies that cause us to do things, make decisions, and react in unexplainable ways. Almost happily ever after leaves room for those variables. Things are not perfect! Life is not fair! And it is all what you make of it. If for some reason you feel that the predicament you have gotten your self into is not working....then re-evaluate (favorite thing to do) and decide. Decide if what you are doing in your life, whether it is a relationship, job, responsibility or friendship, is the right thing and if it is making you happy. Because Happily Ever After is never going to happen. You decide your own fate and destiny in this world. You have that control. You can not wait for someone else to do it for you.
So...back to that "living in Sin, never marring", cohabited couple of urban Seattle, you don't know what the situation is. And before making judgement, maybe re-evaluate! There are two sides to every story and perhaps they are happy in their Almost Happily Ever After life.
5 comments:
I think if you are happy, then don't pay attention to anyone else. I turned 21 and was not married and in the Mormon world I was almost a spinster! The horror! Now I am 25 and don't have kids. You should hear the questions at church. Annoying. I think you gotta do what is best for you and if it works, then forget everyone else. Although I would love to come to your wedding ;) I would rather you just be happy no matter what. I am a BIG fan of marriage for me, but that's what makes ME happy...not someone else. I love the thought that we said "ok, good or bad, we are in it together no matter what" but you could have that without the vows too. Just be happy, do what works, and forget the rest!
So I saw this because yes, I blog stalk - what? Like you never have? Kidding. :D
Jared and I lived together for almost 2 years before we got married...and personally, I think you need to take the car for a test drive before you buy. I'm a STRONG believer in living together before marriage. It didn't matter that we had been together for 3 years prior to that...living together changed everything.
I was working at a department store one summer and this older lady asked me some questions and I mentioned I was living with my boyfriend. Her response was, "Don't your parents care you are living in sin?" Um, hi lady, I don't know you and you don't know me....thanks Judgy Wudgy.
Don't let others ignorant comments bug you....your life is what you make it and as long as you are happy, that's all that matters. Besides, at the end of the day, it's just a piece of paper, a ring, and some tax benefits. You can be married to someone in heart and commitment and love without being legally married. And your relationship is what you make it. :D
And trust me, there is no happily ever after. It is work to even get to almost happily ever after....but the work is worth it.
All the best,
Sabrina
P.S. Jared and I are UBER jealous of you living in Seattle....we are D.Y.I.N.G. to move there....one day...hopefully soon!
I totally agree, living together first is underrated! P.S. There's free milk either way, regardless of the cow's stupid address. What's that joke about not buying a whole pig just for a little sausage? Just kidding. Sorry.
Wow, those comments really make me sad. I am totally and completely living happily ever after. Yes, we have our problems in our marriage, but we put the Lord first, each other second, and ourselves third. By both of us doing that, our problems always get worked out. We are always considerate of each other and don't let our own selfishness hurt the other one.
I totally believe in happily ever after and obviously, by my beliefs, I believe in marriage first. But even if you don't believe in marriage first, you can still have happily ever after, but it takes TWO dedicated people. If your spouse isn't as committed to you as you are to him, then yeah, your marriage is going to have a lot more problems. But if you BOTH put each other before yourself, it's simply amazing how much your love grows and you can see it daily.
I hope that you find happily ever after.
I can't tell if this means that you were listening in the dark several years ago or not. :) But I think so. Happily ever after is happily ever after, even if it's almost.
Love you
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